i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
