i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
