I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
