my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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