just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
