playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
