Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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