your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
