did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
