Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
