my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
