She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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