yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
