I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
