I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
