you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
