Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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