i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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