Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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