xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
