Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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