brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
