no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
