i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
