Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
