We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
