glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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