I met the friendliest cop last night
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Even the bartender felt bad for me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
