Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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