I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
