oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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