His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
