we're chasing vodka with high fives
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
