Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize