I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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