You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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