I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
