let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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