i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
