he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
