and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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