I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
