I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
third nipple confirmed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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