I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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