hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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