i was born a porn star she said
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
