new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize