what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
