she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
