so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
