So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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