This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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