I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
