ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
