Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
i think my cat just said my name.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
