Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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