I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
