Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize