it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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