Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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