woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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