Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize