So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
