you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
