Did you just see the Batmobile???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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