no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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