I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
