We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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