you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
