I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
